Grow some Balls!
Today, I’d like to discuss something we all need, and that’s balls. That’s right, balls. I’m not talking about footballs or bowling balls or tennis balls. I’m talking about testicles. Cojones. The Brass. Now you’re probably asking, “WHY, oh WHY, Bella, are you bringing up this topic?” It’s because some of us, especially those who are nice and hate to make anyone the least bit uncomfortable, need to grow a pair so that we’re not pushed around, walked over, or keep making exceptions and compensating for other people to avoid potentially emotionally-wrought situations. I blogged about this back in February in a post called “Speak Up.” But sometimes it’s not a matter of speaking up for ourselves but manning up, and that means being resolved, strong, and not backing down. That’s exactly the advice I gave two friends this past week who found themselves in uncomfortable circumstances. Pushed Around No More “David,” a good chum, called me up last night. “I finally sent the divorce papers to my wife but I’m worried about her. I don’t know how she’s going to react. I just want her to be okay. I don’t know how she feels about me.” Being the sympathetic friend that I am, I replied, “You know EXACTLY how she feels about you. She kicked you out nine years ago! She made it abundantly clear the last time you spoke with her that she finds you disgusting.” (he kissed her hand and she wiped it on her blouse). “Yeah, you’re right,” David sighed. “I just feel like I’m giving up and didn’t do enough to reconcile with her.” “You’re not giving up,” I reminded him. “You’re moving on and that’s a good thing.” You see, David finally grew a pair and took a difficult step – but he needed a little reminder that he need not feel badly for his ex. He’s extra sensitive about offending others, but hopefully this decision will help him over the hurdle of fearing rejection. We can’t control every situation or how anyone feels, so we might as well be ourselves and not worry about that one person who rejects us and instead focus our energies on people who accept us. Don’t Tread on Me “Veronica” also had to deliver a message, this one to her ex-mother-in-law for playing games. Veronica felt enough was enough; what did she have to lose by being honest? In reply to one such email, she pointed out how the ex-MIL’s behavior had deeply hurt her. Ex-MIL quickly apologized but made excuses for her behavior. Emboldened by her new brass appendages which grew with each reply, Veronica pointed out the facts of the case against which no excuses could stand. She also made it clear that no more games would be tolerated. You see, by growing a pair, Veronica made her life cleaner. By not allowing people to be dishonest with her, she has set up a barrier of protection for her mind and emotions – and gained a confidence in confrontation that she never knew before because she was always so afraid of confrontation. No Exceptions “Chip” didn’t so much grow a pair as show a pair at a party I attended last week. When one of the guys made a sexual innuendo in conversation, he was ignored by all. He soon repeated the phrase, to which there were groans of annoyance at his immaturity while I said, “Don’t even go there!” Undeterred and impressed by his own cleverness, he said it again. This time, Chip spoke up. “Knock it off – like, right now!” Mr. Clever literally shrunk into himself and apologized hastily a half a dozen times in a row. Chip later confessed to me after the confrontation that he hoped he didn’t come across too harshly, but I reminded him that Mr. Clever was asking for it. He didn’t take the hints that he was being inappropriate and no one else was uncomfortable by the confrontation – in fact, we were all relieved. You see, by showing his pair, Chip put everyone at ease, taught an obnoxious person a lesson in etiquette, and gained an increased respect from his peers. Are you in need of a pair? Is there someone you need to stand up to? Do you let people walk all over you? It’s never a bad thing to take a stand. It isn’t mean to stop people from hurting you. It’s always admirable to do the right thing. Let’s stop thinking we have to be nice and accommodating all the time, because occasions will arise in our lives which call for showing resolve and honesty with tact and toughness. Let’s get growing!