First Impressions

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First impressions are everything, and when you’re overweight and on a first date, you have to work harder to look more appealing than if you are a slender or pleasingly curvaceous beauty who’s never had to try to get a date.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to gussy up, show him what you’ve really got, and hope your sparkling personality, intelligent conversation and best features will snag a second date.  As the song goes, you’ve got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative.

But it’s difficult to eliminate several pounds of excess body fat from any given spot on the human body.  So fat gets to come along on the first date, too—the third wheel.  And third wheels aren’t known for being wanted.

A big butt can get in the way of a good time.  Once you reach the table at the restaurant, you hope your chair won’t have arms.  Most don’t, which is great for accommodating a wide girth easily stuck by arm-hugging chairs.  But wait!  Is the chair strong enough to hold you up? The tension builds.

Once the meal is over and the chair is still on its legs, you now pray he doesn’t suggest a stroll on the beach or through the park.  Why?  Because of the sound effects supplied by thunder thighs.  You know what I mean: the swish-swish-swish of trousers or nylon stockings rubbing together with each step.  Swish-swish-swish.  Even if you’re wearing heels which clomp-clomp-clomp, that background noise is ever-present.  Swish-swish-swish.

Soon the date ends with a polite, “Let’s do this again” or “Call me sometime.”  Which either means a second date won’t be forthcoming and he’s just trying to let you down gently, or the third wheel wasn’t as troublesome as you thought.

You can expect the third wheel to join you on more dates.  But isn’t two much nicer than three?  You’ll never know until you until you swish-swish-swish to the gym or weight-loss center.  You can do it.  I did.

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