Tonight sitting here, in front of a roaring fire- always a sure environment for pensive reflection, I have been taking an honest look at WHY i want to loose weight.The honest truth is that in every respect I have been made to feel like I am not good enoughâ€¦As a FAT woman, I fall below the markâ€¦ My X Husband used to refer to me as a â€˜big fat cow sitting on the couch eating chocolateâ€™ to all his mates at workâ€¦and wouldnâ€™t touch me sexually or affectionately, for that matter, for months at a timeâ€¦its a miracle I have two beautiful children really. My parents, took me to a â€˜fatâ€™ doctor when I was 9 cause they were concerned about my weight even then.Â
â€˜Fatâ€™ to all sense and purposes in this world is just plain wrong! How can I hope to experience the fairy tale; a knight in shining armour that is crazy about me, â€˜true loveâ€™, an empowered life, successful career, super mom, if I am constantly burdened by this handicap of Fatâ€™ness. How will people take me seriously and accept me â€˜Just as I amâ€™ when first impressions are just so darned important.
I guess I have bought into the religion of perfection that permeates in the world today. I am not a size 0 and somehow that makes me less than perfectâ€¦no not even thatâ€¦it makes me â€˜nullâ€™. No matter what I do, how smart I am, what a great sense of humour I have, or how nice I am. It makes no difference because I am FAT, a statistic, an â€˜undesirableâ€™, the humiliation of society. The â€˜obesity epidemicâ€™ is given more coverage than the famine/hunger in third world countries. This is not a cry for acceptance, or a shout for you all to tell me how wonderful and special I amâ€¦I know that I amâ€¦â€™Just as I amâ€™â€¦but unfortunately the world doesnâ€™t and to mold myself to the â€˜worldsâ€™ standards I must lose weight.
However, It would be a dream to actually be accepted, successful and loved â€˜just as I amâ€™ by someone else for a changeâ€¦not just meâ€¦
Deep, deep down I want it to be true that you donâ€™t have to be a size 0 to live the fairy tale which is partly why I have been filling my head with books like
– Jennifer Weiner. They all feature plus-size heroines finding peace and getting their man despite the worlds perceptions of them and their weight. Yes, I am a romantic but I happen to be proud of that!
I know my life will NOT be complete as soon as a drop the pounds, I know the fairy tale wont just begin thenâ€¦but, at least thenâ€¦I WILL have a fighting chance! At least THENâ€¦I wont have this â€˜handicapâ€™ of a negative first impression, before I have even sat my huge butt down.